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Archive for August 2002 Rob Caiger replied to one of my messages to the ELO mailing list. He says if there's a lack of cool new material on the ELO remasters, it's Sony's/EMI's decision. Bite me, you guys. Rob is finding cool stuff and you're not even letting him put it on there. WTH?? When I was typing "remasters" I first wrote "remastards." This is when I love my work, when I find a bug and fix it easily. This is the same kind of science fiction-y twist/hook I was talking to Leonard about on the weekend. But here it is in song form -- http://www.paulmelancon.com/freemusic/ It's the track "Jeff Lynne" -- not only does this guy emulate an ELO song, which would have been enough (it's decently done, if a little bizarre), it's about a guy who sabotages good relationships to become the person most ELO songs are about, i.e., that sad sack always wanting to go home, go back, get to her, find her again. The guy in the ELO songs never actually freaking goes back, he just thinks about it wistfully, probably while looking out over the water in the afterglow of a blue rain on a city summer night. Near a robot. The feeling I get when you love me / doesn't compare to you leaving me / I / will keep it all inside / you'll never know I tried / to be just like Jeff Lynne The allure of self-pity, shamefully brought about purposefully, with an ELO backdrop! Handsome! http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/jimkoch1.html Jim Koch ("cook") of Samuel Adams beers, template for Nathan Hale beers, has been Opie and Anthony's celebrity guest/sponsor three years running during their annual "Sex for Sam" contest, in which couples have sex in public for Sam Adams beer. Not kidding. Opie and Anthony are the DJs who got canned after the Catholic Church caught two people doing it during services. Unfortunately, the audio clips feature excerpts from the show, and not Koch delivering his lame "I didn't know what was happening!" apology in his high-pitched, milquetoast voice which was, again, the template for the Nathan Hale guy. I think Hitler's very scary and a horrible man. That's why I was startled to find these pictures of him on Google: http://www.calvin.edu/academic/cas/gpa/hitler2.htm I ran across some photo of a Hitler Youth rally and seeing him with kids gave me the creeps. The thing that I hadn't seen before is him looking pleasant. They never smiled back then, but he always looked pissed off, like he was about to explode. He doesn't exactly look like anyone's pal in these pictures either though; he's sort of doing that uncomfortable politician-with-your-baby-that-just-pooped look. I'm going to try and put down as much about Dr. Science as I can remember. Dr. Science worked in his Fortress of Arrogance with his sidekick Rodney. They had a lab assistant, Judy; a security guard, Zeke; and an annoying next door neighbor, Mr. Pickett. Let's see what else I can remember... - Dr. Science had a little toy race car robot with a big mechanical eye that he called "Oculum Vehiculum" (or Ocky, for short) - In the Fortress was a "Filco" washing machine that played 1950s newsreel-alike segments titled "Our Ignorant Past." There was also a door labeled "Interdimensional Transponder," aka the closet. But Dr. Science could "set" the closet for somewhere else and travel wherever he wanted Episodes I can remember: - Dr. Science had a relative, Aunt Fiona, who lived in Fjorgyland, and was a much better scientist than him. (He developed the "phone-car" fifteen years previous; she did it twenty.) Everyone else had a thing for Fiona, because she was hot. Dr. Science was tiring of her and was storing up the full energy of his voice to blast her back to Fjorgyland, while she was going to use the full power of her holographic mirrors to send Dr. Science to the moon. They both succeeded. - Dr. Science revealed that all the lost socks in the world go to another dimension to form a sock monster, which was going to show up in the lab. Zeke: "You can't end the world with 50 cents!" Dr. Science: "You can end the world with 35 cents if you're a smart shopper! Just a handful of anti-matter and 10 cents' worth of 224-trimethylpentane, and BOOM! CRASH!" The sock monster also took some of the cast's pants. I forget the resolution. - Dr. Science's hick father from, if I remember right, Allset, Arkansas, shows up to embarrass Dr. Science, as he came from a stupid yokel family. His favorite snack was the sorghum weenie. Dr. Science figured out a way to create a mind-meld formula (cherry-flavored) to make his father a cultured genius. A search for unique parts of the lyrics yields NOTHING! Do you realize this is the first time these lyrics have seen the light of internet? Maybe I'll make a fan page and kick all your asses. Okay, I don't know why made a fan page would do that, but still. Didn't ANYBODY else watch Dr. Science on FOX in 1987 (page has a couple stills)? It won an Emmy! It was the best show ever! And yet there's no information about it anywhere. I expected to find an episode guide, at least. Nope. Dr. Science reminded me of my dad, so maybe that's why I liked it so much. I'm pissed that no one knows about this show! I still remember all the lyrics to the opening. I was born inside a petri dish, In Laboratory, Pennsylvania My parents thought I was a dog And sent me to the pound. I was sent to a dog obedience school, Where the vets know how to train ya! (whip-crack) To Uh-Uh University, the finest school around! Yes, Uh-Uh University Was a well-respected college I learned of space and vinegar, Bugs and styling gel And toothpaste times the speed of light, Flowers, trees and dirt; Things that stink and noisy things and Things that creep and squirt. They say I'm not a doctor, But you can call me one. Some folks call it science -- I just call it fun. Upon my every statement you can have Complete reliance -- I know more than you do, Call me Dr. Science! Dr. Science: I have a Master's Degree. Rodney: IN SCIENCE! So if you remember this damn show, write me. Kurt and I were talking about The Country Bears before it was released, wondering what it was about. We suggested it would be about a lonely young bear heading off to find himself, who becomes a rock star in the process, then discovers his real family. Turns out that's the plot, essentially. But we really weren't thinking -- country rock 'n roll, kinda, is supposed to be the Country Bears' deal. So it's not much of a stretch. However, we had real clairvoyance when discussing the vague Brad Pitt-Julia Roberts billboards for The Mexican. We both joked it was about a magic gun called the Mexican. Turns out, that's what the movie was about. Speaking of Country Bears, Kurt and I went out one afternoon and deconstructed the Disney movies where the little guy wins at the end against the rich guy who's not as good at x as the little guy. This usually has a sports context, and carries the message "be yourself" or some crap. (Incidentally, Country Bears is apparently the first in a series of Disney movies about attractions at Disneyland.) Kurt and I began to think up new ones in this vein. My favorite was about the young son of a Disneyland hot dog and pickle vendor, who could sell up a storm. His given name is Kid Vendor. He's got to top the sales of rival vendor at Six Flags, a kid whose nickname is Toughs. At some point, Toughs has a bunch of hot dogs dumped on him. Not only will Unraveled attack my hand when I go to feed him, he will indeed bite my hand, and cling to it for an instant before giving up and dropping back down into the water. I don't know if he got lucky that time, but he was hanging from my hand for a good 1/5th second out of the water. These fish are vicious killers! :D! http://www.japander.com/japander/index.htm Hey Dad! Remember that joke we always had about Sean Connery pitching for McDonald's? Well, here he's doing some lame ads for Mazda and scotch in Japan. Also of note are two Harrison Ford commercials for Kirin Lager. I'm playing Melissa's copy of The Sims lately. Right now I am simulating myself and her, Adam and Kim, Mom, Dad, Uncle and Kurt, and a cluster bomb of other people I know/knew, living in a single apartment, including Leonard, Sumana, John and Vanessa. First thing was to force the couples to fall in love. I don't see what the big deal is there. They say it's difficult to do but they're in love in the first ten minutes of play. Oh yeah, my cousin Justin lives in a giant pad and only serves to throw parties day in, day out. He gets pretty lonely, and usually has to tend to the damn party instead of talking to people. My one gripe is that you can only define roommates, and not families, so my dad, my mom, my uncle, and Kurt could conceivably fall in love with each other. I wonder how one curtails that. I saw Kurt hitting on Mom a couple times but she backed off. This simulation kinda sucks. It's been a while since I rapped at you, but I've had a hell of a lot of problems. Okay, that was from The Onion. Don't get fidgety. I'm fine. I was kidding. I'm talking to you, Mom. Here's [i]another[/i] cover I did recently, of Rocky Raccoon (3.36 MB). Also, you'll notice all the knock-together crap I do on guitar is now under the "name" 56 Kilobit Sentinel. I want to write some songs in the same format and put them out as a non-serious, crappy effort, like the kinda stuff Leonard does. Ha!! I kid again! This time, I'm talking to you, Leonard. And Mom. |
