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How to keep your journal and not piss me off | July 26, 2002 13:25:50 PM

Listen, I know why people keep online journals. It's so I can read them. Not the public, but me. So if you want to keep me as a faithful reader -- and this isn't a note to my friends, but weblog keepers I run across now and then -- you can never make entries like this:

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Lions and tigers... and moi? Oh my, my, my!

Last weekend, The Unsinkable Jen (hi-ees!) and myself toddled our little selves over to the city zoo to visit with her veterinarian brother for a few hours. It was quite interesting for our Gruesome Twosome, if I may say so (and I may -- hey, if you didn't want to hear my opinion, why're you still here? :D).

We lazed amid zebras, and talked pop culture over frozen bananas until the afternoon, when I decreed (that's me, a real live king... maybe King-a-Ding-Ding is more like it!) I had to watch A.I. tonight. The writing is pure brilliance -- the ending even brings me to tears. And that's no small feat, let me tell you.

And now, a long shower... and sleep. Night kiddies.

Mood: satiated on life's bount-ay
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Now, I don't give a crap if you went to the zoo or wanted to watch AI, that's great. That's the kind of inanity one reports in a weblog. The thing I hate is putting that tongue-in-cheek, "what a me!" spin on every single goddamn thing that happens to you. This includes calling the group you hang out with "The Three Musketeers" or some other club name when none of you call yourselves that in real life. Everything is all huge and draped in greatness and importance, and you can't let a sentence slide without a witticism or pun or self-reference. It's so phony! And I sound more like Holden every day.

So let me rewrite the above, as I would like it written.


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Man

Saturday Jen and I visited her brother who's a vet at the zoo. I started thinking, what would happen if medicine didn't bind to chemicals in the body, but ideas or types of thoughts? You could be cured of jealousy, or happiness, or fear. I suppose you could extract someone else's thought antibodies and inject yourself with them, and build up a tolerance to that person, if you hated them.

Anyway, I wanted to watch AI, so we did. Good movie. I gotta do laundry or something tonight.

Mood: okay
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And okay, you caught me. Even in my fake example I noted that if I don't want to be annoyed, I don't have to read someone else's life story, because they're going to present it however they want to. But I mean, come on.

Oh nos! | July 17, 2002 23:40:21 PM

I ruined the Googlewhack "ELO GEAR" by posting "ELO GEAR!" I should have known Google would remove the periods from "ELO GEAR" to index "ELO GEAR" instead of indexing "E.L.O. G.E.A.R" ! Why was I so ELO GEAR stupid?

Radio station updated | July 15, 2002 14:26:28 PM

Updated Nightlight Radio's playlist. Currently looping is a 75-minute programme on Electrologica, playing all the Electrologica tracks, interspersed with a mostly phony, boring, pretentious track-by-track interview I gave myself (courtesy of an overweight, vaguely British reporter). Take a nisten!

Two bits | July 14, 2002 20:47:52 PM

1) My fish have three different learned behaviors, dealing with food:

- Blueshift, when he sees my hand coming, waits patiently beneath the hole in the lid for the food to drop down.

- Unraveled also associates food with my hand, but will strike at the hand wherever it may be above the tank, though food always comes out of the hole.

- Sushi, my newest fish, has learned to attack the hole, even when the hand is not present, thinking the hole will yield food if provoked. I wonder if I should encourage this.

2) I have an account at live365.com. I don't know what I can really legally put up, so I put up mostly Electrologica and related stuff. There's one or two numbers from Adam and Leonard in there, too... if you guys mind, I'll take 'em down. I'd like to put all that stuff up there.

Go to www.nightlightpress.com/radio for the hookups, yo.

More music, not that great | July 13, 2002 11:27:43 AM

I knocked together a cover of another Idle Race song, Mr. Crow and Sir Norman (2.7 MB). It's got a psychedelic echo over the whole thing because it sounded bad clean. That's your cheap mixing trick of the day. The other one is chorus the whole song to auto-level a lot of things, which I no longer endorse.

Hally | July 12, 2002 13:01:18 PM

Over at Elegant Insanity, Sim asked for poorly-translated Harry Potter knockoffs. I am fond of writing in bad translation format, so I reprint my efforts here.

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The 1 Chapters

"O great !" say Harry as surprised ! "You havent expected these enemy in the enjoyable town ." Above Harry ,stands ghost of very strong perspective . Harry is so suprised ! He has hard times to move !

"OK ,I got the guts !" Hermione eyes dance in burning lights from ghost bodie ."You cant stop here, OK!!!"

But ghost is unwilling fellow of ancient . He show Harry and Hermione incredible teeths . Such a fear !!! Soon after comes familiar partner of school-mate, Draco . "O ! What ! Its so cold !!!" say Hermione . Bawdy winds ,flap up skirt of Hermione ! Showing the white girl panties . Who did this !! It was ghost.

"Ha Ha Ha ," say Draco riding with sweeping brush at steady hand . So expert ! You cant believe ! "I looks like I released the accidental ghost ." Now you are ready for FIGHTS !!!

Harry must have been care of ghost ,and dodge teeth strike ,using ultimate precision . "Is this the best !!" say Harry . "You are cowardly ,and are very the bungs ." Coarse talk make Hermione blushes ! So carefree of Harry to say such . He must use cautious attitude ,in lady company .

"Have care !" say Draco ,above the heros . "As destruction mounts ,eternally this is my destiny ... " Draco fly far off and takes fearful ghost along . Hermione is breath out !! Her bosoms heaving . "O ! Harry . You did it ,OK !!!"

A pleasing victory ,but Harry knows soon will be return of Draco . SUPER !!!

The 2 Chapters

Hermione and Harrys walks up to wise and small village . They are forceful to talk in old man ,with conversation . "Hay ! Be a careful !" Harry looks out to find bucket of water flying ,so close !! Almost hit but not so quite . It was from old man in the above stairs of man´s home .

"You looking for me !!" old man shout . He is very boisterous ,doing the exercise all nights long . "Wow ,this is an impressive !!" say Harry after caught oggling of old man . "You have many strongs, how !!"

Old man is so quiet for the fellows to hears . If he not be the silence ,like timid mouse under-foot ,maybe that enemys learn the vigorous secret . "Harry I will say it to you" say old man. "You must eat many garlic for super and very health !!"

"O ! GARLIC !! I NEVER ATE !!" say Hermione . She so embarrassed she wet pants ! All boys come to see .

"Garlic make breath so bad !! Easy to corrupt the sweet airs of companions nose ." Hermione is polite girl ,very care not to upset the friends of small town .

The old man is disaproval . He pace back up to top of house ,start more exercising. "That is true life !! Follow your elders words ,childs . YOU BE OK !!!" And old man vanish ! Where did this one go !! To away .

Before to find Draco ,Harry must encounter this learn .
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The Battle at Antique-am | July 12, 2002 7:17:58 AM

http://www.cnn.com/2002/SHOWBIZ/TV/07/12/civil.war.scam.ap/index.html

Who knew?? This reminds me of a couple bits Kurt and I made up revolving around the Antique Roadshow on PBS.

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Appraiser: I see you've got quite a heavy object there!
Man: Yes, it's a wagon full of solid gold bars, bars of Nazi gold. It's got the swastika stamped on each one.
Appraiser: Right, right... well, I'll tell you, normally, this amount of gold would fetch hundreds of thousands of dollars, but the swastikas are in really poor taste. I'd price this gold at about $2.00. Wasn't really worth the effort to bring it up here, and certainly not worth the effort to haul it back home... how about I give you $5 for it?
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Appraiser: Well, what have we got here?
Man: Well, it's an old, single cough drop, "Halford's Cough Lozenge." Copyright date is 1884 on the wrapper. And inside is the real prize -- one cough drop left. I've been told finding the cough drop and the wrapper together is extremely rare. How much is it worth?
Appraiser: (picks up the drop to examine it) Hmmm... (sniffs it) .... (calmly places it in his mouth) .... (sucks on it for about two minutes without saying a word) ..... Goodbye.
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Appraiser: Ah, an old sign! I love old signage, such a great part of American history. This one looks like it's printed on some kind of stock card or laminate. It reads "Antiques Roadshow, July 7, 2002 in the Spector Auditorium." This very building!
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Man: Hey!
Appraiser: Hmmm?
Man: You swiped that pocketwatch I had here a moment ago!
Appraiser: What pocketwatch?
Man: The one you stole and put in your pocket, you!
Appraiser: What me?
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Oh, they weren't very good. Another one involved someone bringing Antique Roadshow host Chris Jussel to the appraisal table.

Wedded blistering heat | July 9, 2002 12:18:21 PM

Adam and Kim got married Sunday, and are somewhere in Tahoe by now. Melissa took pictures which I'll put up or link to. The main thing was that it was hot. The tux weighed like 20 pounds, and I was swimming in it by the end of the ceremony. Then the photographer had me move chairs and I had to lift Kim in a chair. Then I had to push down huge trees without any tools or equipment to help, and they made me wear another tux on top of the first one. All this took place inside of a huge walk-in oven designed to bake bread for giants.

But it was the most fun I had at a wedding, or recently for that matter.

Snickers bar | July 7, 2002 21:00:33 PM

I saw Leonard for a little while today at Adam and Kim's wedding (more on the wedding later), and he brought me a big Rubbermaid bucket full of candy and a showerhead and little toys and a frog holding Snickers bars (old Straub-Richardson bit) and all kinds of stuff under the heading of stress relief. I am overwhelmed by this gesture. He and Sumana had to leave early because he felt sick. I hope I can see them sometime in the next few months.

Blargh! My dream journal! | July 1, 2002 13:31:42 PM

Dreaming of 4000 is missing some entries. The entries are still in the database, but they're not showing up in the archives. That's wack! I have to fix it.

Oddly, I haven't had any dreams worthy of putting in there for over a month.