|
Back to Nightlight Press |
Archive for October 2003 http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2003/10/27/trope_excerpt/index.html I hope I never encounter this person. Zoe Trope embodies everything I hate about stream-of-consciousness, juvenile writing, Generation Z pop culture, you name it. All that stuff just gushes from her and I bet she cried at its harsh beauty after she wrote it. It's like reading depressed teen poetry; there's something so alienating about it, and so tired. I'm listening to Electrologica because I haven't in a year. I don't know how I put all that together, I really don't. And even if the production is bad, or the songs are bad, I have no idea how I did that much. If you asked me to write one new song and lyrics in the next three months, I'd have absolutely nothing for you. A couple months ago, I wrote an entry that went: I remembered the smell of my grade school lunches my mom made for me. I remember mortadella sandwiches, and how the plastic bag had condensation on the inside, and how the meat kind of inundated everything else in the lunch box after four hours in a warm classroom. And I remember feeling a generic anxiety. I thought about it just now, and I hope it is my last conscious stray thought or memory on this earth. I haven't had a nightmare in a long time, nor do I ever have the caliber of nightmare I think about all the time while awake (not a pun on Checkerboard Nightmare). There was a thread at Fark about Photoshopping childhood nightmares. Most of them were of the standard variety (falling down the drain, monsters under the bed, etc). A couple of the pictures were scary (one was a serene little girl sleeping next to her teddy bear, and the bear's eyes are glowing red). But the one I thought about most -- the one that's right up my alley, was: "I've always been scared of the light momentarily blinking on in a dark room and revealing a grotesque, impossibly vertical face right in front of me" accompanied by an animation of the same thing. I was always a little scared of swimming pools when I was little because I was afraid of there being a giant squid in the pool. I didn't want to swim in a pool with designs on the bottom for this reason. I used to imagine my head above the surface of the water, and seeing the plain pool bottom through the water below, then submerging my head and having the pool be filled with staring squids and coral and life in every direction. Most of my fears involve seeing something that Nature didn't intend anyone to ever see. Just seeing and not understand why is sufficient -- a ghost attacking me is very scary, but somehow I'm sure a ghost standing there for a moment before disappearing would be scarier. |
